I shit my brains out before, a lot, also was pretty nauseous. I had Cheerios the night before to be easy on my tummy.
I didn’t sleep well the two days leading up to, but eventually figured it out. We got on the road and I ugly cried in fear on the interstate, driving past my bubble. Once we were about 20-30 minutes in, I started to relax and start to remember driving up Keystone so many times before.
Headache, still wired up, but no longer panicking for the rest of the hour and a half trip! It was breaking free of the bubble, I haven’t driven further than 15 minutes from home for three years! I felt like I could drive anywhere!
There is so much to write about but I’m so fucking tired and sore right now. My last post, I was writing about how I told mom not to come on Sunday as I didn’t sleep the night before. I was in the middle of writing, literally, how I cancelled and knock knock, she was there. It’s all out of love, of course, I wasn’t upset with her, although, I did feel like my boundaries were being violated.
It worked out more than well though! They drove the RV and Jeep back, I stayed at Lo’s house overnight for Kasey to get back from Seattle. They took a route off the interstate, and thank god, the front solar panel array lifted up due to the wind! It could have easily ripped down power lines, stoplights!
The route they took, and by the time they were up to speed, thankfully, was clear. They stopped at Love’s and a nice gentlemen fixed it up for them with my suggestion of duct tape!
I prayed, a lot. I listened to the DARE app on driving and feeling trapped. Meditation helped me sleep, surrender. The absolute peak panic came, 11/10, and I just kept driving and pushing forward. My mindset was to teach my anxiety that I am safe, to accept and allow it. I was smart to do things the way I did, I had no “escape” or reason to go back, something to keep in mind every time I do an exposure!
We also went into town and found the dump station! We also had some BK. Town is a 15 minute drive one way and it’s pretty nice.
It’s quiet out here, it’s so nice, but will take a moment to get used to. No more traffic, gunshots, sirens, hecklers. No more busyness and rush hour. No more “curses” or being trapped in Indy!
Time for sleep now, goodnight from the middle of nowhere!
Ross Fisher 