Aug 10, 2022 – Post COVID derealization

It’s the 12th day since testing positive for COVID, I’m very thankful I survived the scariest parts. My SpO2 never dropped below 95, my fever broke after day 4 or 5. I’m coughing less today and feel a bit less mucusy.

Kasey seems to be doing alright, she never seemed to get a fever or be stuck in bed. It makes me wish I got vax+boosted. I panicked so hard when I tested positive, the fever and trembles hit me like a freight train.

I’m trying to give myself time to fully recover, it takes about two weeks for the worst of it, or so it’s been said. Now that I’m 12 days in, it’s very unlikely I’d be hospitalized due to breathing problems. I have still been sleeping 8-9 hours a night which is unusual for me, I usually get around 6 hours a night, but I’m not complaining. This does lead to more REM sleep, and more dreams.

I’m dealing with some mental/emotional issues, though. I think it’s a combination of things. I was so busy working on the RV solar project day in and day out for a month or two, I completed that work right around getting COVID and the RV can be driven now. That, coupled with suddenly being scared and experiencing being bedridden due to being sick has led me to some derealization/depersonalization feelings.

I just feel kinda lost and disoriented, like everything blends together. Maybe some of it is the pre-COVID feelings and having this big thing to worry about for all this time and now that I’ve had it, the space that was taking up has been released.

I was working with Kasey on breaking down a bedframe to burn and using a pocket knife to separate the fabric, I had to be very careful I didn’t injure myself. I kinda felt like I was watching myself.

I listened to the Derealization/Depersonalization DARE track and it spoke of how our minds can do this when faced with extreme emotions, trying to save us from our feelings and such. It makes sense. COVID can also cause depression/anxiety, fuck with our mental pathways and so many other things we don’t quite know.

I am tired of my right ear is clogged, I can hear my heartbeat in my head and it makes me think of the potential for hypertension and clotting that can come with COVID. I’ve been tracking my blood pressure over the last year or so and I settle around stage 1 high blood pressure, which I’m sure doesn’t help my anxiety symptoms. Nicotine usage really doesn’t help this and I already know how painful an erupted tooth can be. God, that hurt.

I decided to get an electric bicycle ordered. Kasey has never ridden a bike, it’ll be fun teaching her and going on rides.

It folds down, and should fit in the RV!

I’m hoping I can ground myself a bit with some light exercise and getting out in the world a bit after being inside for the past week.

I just have to keep reminding myself that these feelings will eventually pass and it won’t always feel this way, that I’m still recovering.

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